Exploring The Chelsea Masquerade
Don't shuffle the letters. Sponsored by SebStake
A collection of notes on the “most exciting project in World Football” (says whoever gets a promo code in exchange of a few propaganda tweets on social media). Yes we see you.
With a point deduction looming (for the transfer shenanigans of the previous administration), and a 500 million loan at 12% interest rate contracted to fund whatever that squad is (“to compete in every matchup”) which will likely be repaid through the inevitable sale of Colwill or Palmer, the future isn't as bright as a few wins against some of the weakest Premier League displays in recent memory might suggest.
So, what has changed? Once you look past the grand storytelling, not much.
What truly matters is not the destination, but the friends we made along the way.
And friends, there are plenty—not just a few.
Chelsea are this close to greatness
One or two world class signings, and Chelsea will compete for the title
Chelsea is on par to enter the Guinness World Record Book for… bookings
How open are Chelsea defensively?
Let’s dance
Where we’re going, we don’t need [set piece specialists]
The BlueCo Playbook
Groundhog day
Less chaos, less penalties, more draws
If you don’t like my principles, I have others
Quick subs?
Palmer FC - Has Maresca turned it worse?
Caicenzoméo
Another lap for the concept car ?
Same casting, same conclusions
Pochettino get everyone injured
Maresca found the cure for eternal life
Where to go from there?
Bonus
How easy is to play against an Enzo Maresca team? (May 2024)
This is a different perspective than the 2024 long read:
Chelsea are this close to greatness
Well, they better be, as according to Spotrac, Chelsea currently have the 2nd or 3rd biggest wagebill, take it or leave it a few millions
Whilst both Manchester United and Liverpool have been decreasing theirs, Arsenal and Aston Villa increased their payroll to qualify for the Champions League.
Chelsea and Manchester City have been fairly consistent. Getting rid of Lukaku, has been well made up by adding Felix, Tosin, Dewsbury and the likes of Guiu on the aggregate, keeping BlueCo’s franchise in the same place.
The correlation between wage expenditure and success is well documented in sport.
Giving more money to donkeys won’t turn them into racehorses overnight, and will only align expectations with the reality of the situation. You’ve got to compete, or question the allocation of ressources. Or you’ll be called “1 Billion bottle jobs” on national television.
You can’t forever echo lines you’re fed about '“average age” or “controlled spending”.
Chelsea never quite stopped being juggernauts, just replaced their squad consistently finishing top 4 between 2018-2022 by an entire new squad that is yet to achieve the same feat - in three seasons of ownership
Because you really didn’t think Felix and Sancho were unpaid interns, did you?
All that hassle to try to win the Hudson-Odoi vs Sancho debate in big year 2024.
We have been there before. London talents who stayed in London, won the FA Youth Cup(s) and UEFA Youth League. London talents who had to move elsewhere, didn’t.
mood:
Forcing out the latter for 5 million, to get the other on bumper wage and obligation to buy. Definitely make the Sancho / Tosin transfers all the more amusing from a #narrative perspective. Rattled?
Capology has Chelsea in the top 4
So has Fbref
Food for thought for the “Nobody expected Chelsea to be there”.
Top 4 wagebill means you can put the cleaners in charge and sleepwalk into top 4 (otherwise it means you built a top 4 payroll rinsing non top 4 players).
What can we say of Liverpool taking the league to the cleaners with the…
~5th wagebill? ~
Hair pulling stuff.
One or two world class signings, and Chelsea will compete for the title
Transfer Copium is a powerful drug, leak transfer rumours and you get a large chunk of fanbases on side. BlueCo’s Chelsea have been fairly keen to feed Leao’s, Osimhen’s Musiala’s and other appealing transfer shortlists to their network of influencers via instagram direct messages.
That none get anywhere near signing for the club doesn’t deter the BlueCo cruisaders who still think superstars are one private jet flight away from making these modern day PhotoShop “Cadavre exquis” (Exquisite corpse) a reality
That game where you fold a piece of paper in 3, and each person draw their segment of the character, no matter if you plaster Ousmane Diomandé’s head over Tosin Adarabioyo’s body, and then you unfold the piece of paper and laugh
Or you cringe when Fabrizio “breaks” a transfer announced at 7+3.5 bonus for Chelsea or Strasbourg (just hit the post button), with the editorial team plastering a teenager’s head on an adult’s body. Only for Wolves to offer 8+3.5 and win the jackpot.
Incidentally making the selling club rack up one more million.
The magic of the transfer window. What a waste of bandwidth (not for everyone)
Acheampong? Nevermind, there’ll be 5 more right backs linked by the time he signs the 5 year contract (if he ever does). He did. Still linked with another couple.
When breaking down Chelsea’s “wage structure”, which is the reality of what it is (no more Roman legacy, that’s theirs), there’s key takeaways that are hard to overlook.
Some will say Jeff Bezos “controls the wagebill”, other people will point out he’ll get more money in his pocket at the end of the month to dismantle bridges so that his vessell can accost, by timewatching employee’s pee breaks.
One of the worst things that permeated the football discouse is the corporate shilling for anything that relates to not paying employees their due worth (or market value), so that shareholders get a bigger piece of the cake.
If you don’t eat, what the fuck are you doing exactly. If you do, we see you.
Wonderful to have you at the Bridge!
Latest news as I’m fixing the last typos:
Chelsea want to recall Chalobah in January (the guy banned from pre-season tour, loaned at Palace, who scored more goals than Tosin Badiashile and Fofana combined)
How much of it is
They want to do one over Glasner who all but said they’re bad at their job, and dunked pre- and post-game on their head(s) (there’s 5 Sporting Directors)
They’ll bench Chalobah for 6 months like Nathan Aké was.
Tosin and Veiga are unplayable as CBs
They’re rattled that Acheampong outperformed their own signings and will sell/loan him already.
Match Review: Josh Acheampong @ Crystal Palace
Breaking down Josh Acheampong’s long awaited first start in Premier League.
in 2024-25, Chelsea’s refusal to acknowledge the existence of a bomb squad serves all the answers than the question already suggests.
8 senior players on big wages are “frozen out” with the club having almost used the entire legit or non legit playbook to try to force them out. “Technical decisions” carry the weight of the bullshit that should be called out by Player Unions; especially when two goalkeepers find their way on the bench.
Unfortunately, these players signed a contract with a club, not sporting directors.
And fortunately, the PFA is there to remind clubs of their legal obligations with reference to contracts - that compel clubs to provide every player the same conditions to train.
Clubs who are careless to send corporate emails with a signature to tell a player to train with U21s can end up sued in court. And clubs that are stupid enough to be petty to the extent of taking off a dressing room locker, stripping off a shirt number, or not giving players their matchday polo whilst the guy is actually around end up losing in court with the overwhelming trail of evidence against them. Football is littered with examples like that that do not exist in the “normal” corporate world.
You’re never beyond two degrees of separation in football.
Axel Disasi (top left), signed twice by current Chelsea personel, played 9 games with Anatole Ngamukol (bottom of the picture) at Reims
The guy who won half a million in damage after suing his club
Two marquee signings; Raheem Sterling and Christopher Nkunku are described as “not my kind of winger” (define “Misha Mudryk” then), and “not providing balance” despite scoring 60 goals in 120 starts off a striker.
Weird thing to say for a “Head Coach”.
Opinionated (which Poch was, which got him the sack), or simply reading a script.
Two left backs in Chilwell and Cucurella make the top 10 biggest earners, whilst Felix and Sancho represent close to half a million per week of some of the most ineffective output you could ever imagine both sides of the ball.
Not a goalkeeper on sight, not a league winning striker on sight.
All in all, a great allocation of resources.
Chaotic, like Chelsea defending counters vs Barrow
Felix hasn’t won a game when starting for Chelsea, Jadon Sancho is yet to have a shot on target since his loan move re-united him with the scout who signed him from Watford to Manchester City a decade ago. Talk about a coincidence.
That paragraph needs updating? So does scouting shortlists that put 27 year old Tosin Adarabioyo released on a free by Fulham in big year 2025.
In Pink, is 50 million per year of players that are absolutely useless to Chelsea’s fortunes, for the hardly challengable assertion that the team currently somehow clings on to top 4 despite them not stepping a foot on the pitch.
In Grey, is 50 million per year of proven talent that is frozen out, as a result of not having been signed by the current crop of Sporting Directors and / or posing a risk of outperforming players in their position (Andrey Santos, Chukwuemeka).
In a nutshell, good luck for moving 50% of that 200 million wagebill on.
If there’s a better rationale than the one suggested here, your guess is as good as mine.
And if you don’t like some reported figures, rest assured some of them probably earn way more than what’s reported. Otherwise they wouldn’t gloat about low wages.
Mudryk and Enzo got two updated contracts in 2023-24.
You weren’t aware? Now you are
Small time hardman tactics will be called out by the PFA, and doubled down by getting 8 yellows in 9 fouls if the message still doesn’t sink in.
Federations have two levers: access to coaching courses, and yellow cards.
Suggesting that any club is daft enough to take some of these players off Chelsea’s books is ludicrous - let alone putting any weight on the fallacy that Chelsea wouldn’t be forced to pay the money due
Say when your West Ham’s would offer 35k a week to Tosin Adarabioyo in two years (whilst Manchester City cash in some pocket change solidarity payments to sort out their PSR compliance).
6th of December, West Ham’s interest in Tosin is brokered by the guy who announced Mbappé’s move at Madrid.
Tosin earns 120k / week for the next 4 seasons; the question is to know if it’s worth keeping him in the squad or using the money to get him to play for someone else.
It can be done in a one shot cheque (which book-keepers don’t really like because like Marc Guiu’s first touch, a payoff can’t be amortized) to cut ties; or in a string of loans that usually ends up with the Marina Special (one year extension + loan, knowing clubs can’t loan a player in his final contract year).
Good players relate to good players.
Sterling, Nkunku, Palmer, James, Jackson and Colwill.
One is told he’s not the head coach’s type (188 G+A in 317 PL starts)
One can’t start a league game despite being the club’s top scorer
One is banned to play European Competition (to save on goal bonuses?)
One is told is a terrible leader (whilst naming Enzo Fernandez captain)
One earns 100k a week for being the closest thing to a young Thierry Henry in the current football landscape, tied with Marc Guiu enjoying the most lucrative club placement in football history
One is the subject of lame ass “we won’t sell him, but if we do here’s our price” briefings since Tuchel tried to include him in the deal to sign Marc Cucurella.
If Chelsea had room to sign good players, they’d not join that circus witnessing how fellow good players are treated. The purpose of a system is what it does.
Zero Premier League starts since that match winning goal at Bournemouth?
Oh, Nkunku is unhappy and wants to leave.
This goes beyond forgetting a Birthday cake.
Turns out Chelsea won’t have much room anyway, unless they find a way to rescind the contracts they offered without having to fork out the money attached to it (which in most law enforced countries, tends to not be within the realms of applicable options).
But oh well, Monaco also had a bloated 70 player squad, and found a way to clear them out.
Regardless if Sofiane Diop, Enzo Millot or Wilson Isidor don’t play the same sport as Krépin Diatta, Jean Lucas and other Myron Boadu’s.
Yes they were on Monaco’s books when Niko Kovac was gently asked to play the others instead. Kinda refused, and was eventually sacked at Christmas for lousy “unfit team” reasons, despite being top 5 for sprints in the top leagues in November.
Philippe Clémént (now Rangers) eventually finished without Europe at all, but at least he coached Krépin Diatta at Bruges.
Sunk cost fallacy.
Wilson Isidor was sold to a Champions League club for 2.5 million.
Marc Guiu has been signed for twice that and won’t add to his Fabio Borini Premier League minute tally (20’) much for Chelsea until he gets inevitably canned.
Enzo Maresca’s former club? Sevilla. Enzo Maresca played the game at top level.
Fabrizio briefs a “this is not happening” whilst being on dial with the clique?
Please come and get him. Por favor.
And well, if you bring him on before Nkunku, don’t be surprised to concede 60 seconds later. Football has a way to reward the swashbuckling innovators.
Boom
Chelsea is on par to enter the Guinness World Record Book for… bookings
Bookings tell a story.
A team crowding the ref, a team out of their depth (Sheffield United), a team man-marking (Leeds 2022); but also referees incentives to caution delays like not before (in order to make sure the flow is uninterrupted, like TV production demand).
This is insight. TVs actively ask for refs in pre-season meetings to not call foul throws that delay games.
Bookings can also suggest ill-discipline, dissent.
But most of the time, it’s because the team makes fouls. Why they need to do these fouls is the crux of the issue, and the receipt is the number of yellows they get or are projected to get.
Being on par to make 150 yellows, when the previous record was set by your own newly assembled team isn’t “noise in the data” or crumbs, this is the whole fucking pie.
Some will be happy to suggest it’s the only 100pt team BlueCo will ever get close to
If anything, Maresca worsened a situation that apparently got adressed over the summer adding Tosin’s leadership, Felix’s Champions League experience, Dewsbury’s 150 games at 26, Sancho’s bench experience at City, Dortmund and United.
If you now take into account these players have been as useful and involved than a bald man’s comb in his morning ritual, reality is that the same team as last season just got more petulant (or clamp more people) when they don’t have the ball.
After 15 games, Chelsea have 50 bookings, that’s 3.3 per game
Over 38 games that’s 126; which is 20 clear of the existing record with BlueCo’s 2023-24 team.
Looks like the plan to get more control with a “tactical manager” backfired as well, and suddenly nobody seems to give a shit about the internet fairytales that this former argentine CB was all about brawling and fight on the pitch.
Pochettino’s 86 points with Spurs playing the same 11 every week sure seem more impressive as Chelsea’s lilywhite neighbours burn out big coaching names after another. And yes he played the youngest team in Europe, and yes they were high pressing with a high line. But more on that later.
Running out of lemons to absorb bad energy?
tfw you get outperformed by Sam Morsy and Kalvin Phillips
How open are Chelsea defensively?
Contrary to popular belief, a team is only ever good at what they’re designed to do, which stems from what players have in them (their playing style).
The failure isn’t to try to make them play something they can’t (it will not work), but thinking they could in the first place.
That’s a skill shortcoming in identifying strength / weaknesses (let alone what the league requires).
A squad of short, inexperienced, inconsistent second string attackers, tied on lifetime contracts never done before in the industry (or yeah, Marina with Kepa. That worked well), with a high sense of self esteem and little interest to press would get chaotic, open games.
Deep it: offering a 8 year contract to a 21 year old suggest you’re offering him a longer spell in a 11-a-side team; than he ever played 11-a-side in his life
(11-a side generally starts from U13-U14).
Easier to open than a bag of crisps
No pressure on the ball, Neto / Palmer not even trying That's fine, Fofana's hamstrings will run to bail out your tactical fantasy whilst Cucurella observes proceedings
Neto looks busy, and suddenly that makes the trick for tacticos begging for likes.
As well as stretch distances as the front line would be unbothered to press and the backline would keep the game in front of them.
Kiernan running in treacle, Lavia going through the motions and Wesley Fofana saving the world. If that’s not recurring enough as a pattern, you’re probably looking at the wrong data on the market.
Followed up with hosting a hopeless and winless (then) Crystal Palace side, who Chelsea have a winning record of 12 out 14 against since the George Bush administation.
Palace - hardly a “possession savvy team”. Or if they are, well they’ve got Marc Guéhi
Caicedo lunging wrong side
sliding on the grass whilst Eze gets on the turn
Maresca’s teams are wide open, that was a feature of his Leicester team.
Apparently, this “doesn’t translate in the data” or “isn’t a foul”
This is a CB hung out to dry on midway line three passes after a goalkick, who takes the yellow (bleach) instead of gasoline (letting the striker go through)
“Wesley Fofana things” was the same bullshit we’d hear about Rüdiger who was excellent in 2017-18, bailed out Sarriball for the same reasons and was a strong performer until Lampard phased him out (as he wanted a paycheck - got it) for Tomori.
This isn’t granular, or random. This is systemic.
“The Caicedo foul” (s)
Caicedo ball watching, instead of protecting the line between the ball and goal then close down forward; brings him level, and forced to make contact with the player before connecting with the ball. That’s therefore a foul.
Against Eze above, he ends up on the floor.
If “that doesn’t show in the data”, maybe it’s not the right data that’s looked at.
Some more OJ Simpson defending.
Caicedo and closing down angles, better love story than blue tick accounts whining that he’s called underwhelming.
Caicedo and open field defending, definitely not identified as a weak link for opposition analysts in Premier League.
Delay to show wide is always a better decision than mooning.
And if it still doesn’t hold, talk about standards, and N’Golo Kanté
Kante didn't play the same sport. Would attack players blind side with an unbelievable angle to have minimal contact (only the tip of the foot on the ball) and never barge into the player.
The closing down angle Kante had was unbelievable. Would create 3 yards in straight line to sprint and nick the ball, as opposed to be “ball watching” and sprint on the turn trying to rush a tackle.
Opening his left leg “open the gate”
There’s no other possible contact with the player. That’s AI generated closing down angle, like when you play chess against AI. Makes complete sense from the outside, but 99% people’s brain isn’t wired to anticipate it like that.
Caicedo is young and fingers crossed improves in the future.
Stop thinking there's a plot, he's just easy to call fouls against
Kanté, diagonal carry
Release for Pedro, Giroud as menacing box presence pinning the CB, Hazard in the box ready to pounce on a second ball.
Caicedo is one of the best piece of recruitment at Chelsea in recent years from a character standpoint. He’sdefinitely good people, he’s got a spirit to like and looks like he genuinely wants to be at Chelsea.
Chelsea’s defenders will miss games for inevitable suspensions or injury. This is an assertion verified every week, if it’s not “knowing better than the markets”, not to worry, markets will catch up eventually.
When Chelsea think their salute comes through a better LCB than Levi Colwill.
Someone like Murillo.
Run Fofana, run
Wesley Fofana has already gone through all that. Suspended, and sidelined through injury
CB with a hamstring injury after 55 minutes, playing once a week because the club have a 500 million Bomb Squad for a Mickey Mouse cup. The game model, or training isn't preparing players for what they actually have to handle on week ends.
Maybe JFK Jnr is right, chlorine in tapwater really turns people stupid.
Unbearable amount of shilling for this rubbish, and not the one he left in central park.
No wonder Fofana's hamstring are snapping. Aston Villa play a training ground "up-back-through" and launch a forward between the CBs
There's 36 yards between the centre circle and box. That's what Fofana needs to do at full speed to bail it out.
You don't need speed to play a high line
You need speed at the back when your pressing is a shambles
This is OJ Simpson Car Chase bullshit. Wingers with zero shots on target are cleared.
The thing about preposterously arrogant build up is that you're never reinventing the wheel, you're just setting glass, plate and cultery in a different place.
Once the opponent cottons up, they'll intercept.
From a "settled possession" to a CB splitting pass, that's the "artificial counters" tacticos cream off about.
And it puts Fofana and Colwill with half a pitch to defend, shielded by one of his signings.
No amount of gaslighting will ever let it sink that this is part of a “controlled” performance.
Notorious Laws of the Game cheats have fouled the opponent three times alreadu, and don’t let their CB defend half a pitch back from consecutive career ending lower body injuries.
Can you make it stick upfront?
Another reason Chelsea take tidal waves on the counters, playing players who can’t make it stick
🌿Marc GUIU: No Guidnce?
A lightly edited bullet points look at Marc Guiu, who sounds like the free agent / release clause 2 star striker signed in a hurry on Football Manager when 80% of the transfer budget was already spent, but the game’s engine isn’t entertaining your tactical innovation to play a midfielder upfront. But for the sake of signing the coveted “big man number 9…
Marc Guiu, not exactly Duran on the aggregate.
Carlos Vanarama, the Catalan Grant Holt, probably would not get a run in the Football League considering Dane Scalett (2004 striker who hasn’t quite scaled up his game to senior level yet) couldn’t get off the bench at Portsmouth in League One; now can run the channels a bit at Oxford in Championship.
Also expanded on the Marc Guiu’s article. How better Guiu is compared to Ellis Simms?
Or Ashley Fletcher?
Some more fairy powder:
Here’s to your Wayne Rooney regen, hidden in Barcelona B
Cough syrup Alex? Here’s some liquid football for you
Guiu, then yanked at half time in a 8-0 “everybody eats” for being absolutely rubbish at holding the ball up
Whilst Shim Mheuka and Donnell McNeilly start in PL2
You can’t manufacture trust on a football pitch. Fast track players all you want, good players will pass the ball to team mates who won’t turn it over (or give it back).
And there’s nothing you can do about that. Nor when Maresca yanks Guiu at half in a 8-0 win
Chelsea players - they trust 17 year old Shim Mheuka to stay on the ball when chasing a goal. That’s a scouting cue.
There’s more to it than fluking goals, and being unable to prove one can take a shot in two touches inside the box.
A crossover between Tammy Abraham chasing shadows, and Conor Gallagher’s pressing. Both starring in the Champions League with Chelsea plumetting on the league table.
Also worth looking at this: Kellyman is a decent, peculiar player.
Kellyman and Guiu. Not quite Jhon Duran on the aggregate.
Accounting tricks, and filling clubs budget with “hot air” or assets with limited output.
✨🦎Striker focus: Omari KELLYMAN
Chelsea’s financial shenanigans continue, as they’re trying to shoehorn their 100 point team through the latest financial loophole to date;
Not terribly well managed on the football side, sporting side or promotional side
The power of narrative. I don’t have much time for xG, which is an incomplete, scoreboard metric failing to take into account finishing skill.
I however have a lot of time for bullshitting sycophants
Lampard was an incompetent over-promoted Championship coach who can’t organise a defence
He decided to give a run to the FAYC / UEFA Youth League winners and had 1.82 xG per game. Second best behind 2020 Champions Liverpool
He also had 1 xG against per game, only tanked by Kepa’s 53% save percentage, worst since record began.
Decided. Because he could’ve played Giroud, Batshuayi, Bakayoko and Drinkwater, Zappa don’t preach and David Luiz he shipped out after 4 weeks to play Tomori
We will watch how Maresca’s January 2025 compares to Lampard’s 2021.
Pochettino was tactically obsolete and overweight, couldn’t organise a defence because he wanted to play NBA football
Now ask yourself how better did Gusto, Nkunku, Palmer played.
There’s “modern tactics” with good players; Chukwuemeka, Nkunku, Maatsen underlapping. All your tactico drivel, if you were willing to pay attention.
Carney, Nku² injured in these park pitches; Maatsen played in pre season in attack over BlueCo’s signings (including Diego Moreira that intelligent people freezing their ass at Kingsmeadows told you was all but a Brexit left back if you didn’t look at his CV)
A good run at the end of the season that had all to do with Noni Madueke’s all action output on the entire right wing - making his best Willian impression to balance the entire act.
An entire year of Pochettino mentorship, who could’ve binned him with the U21s for losing a marker vs Arsenal at 2-1 up and dropping a stinker for the ages vs Brentford three days later.
From May 2023:
Patience, ego, and decorum. Pochettino has the former and the latter.
Rather than crediting Marc Cucurella who was only shunted as far as possible from left back where he was (still) costing one goal per game
Back to our lemons:
Well, how about Chelsea treading in the same waters with the italian tactical savant?
Numbers are impressive in attack (embrace the Chelsea heritage)
But still alarming defensively, or just evidence it holds by Wesley Fofana’s tendons and hamstrings.
And yellow cards, BlueCo managing the record to have their centre back suspended at Matchday 8 for picking up 5 bookings in 5 consecutive games.
Better wipe out the striker half an hour in, than letting him get away with a chance to score.
Chelsea concede 0.5 xG more when Wesley Fofana isn’t on the pitch.
Haven’t conceded less than 1.0 xG since Matchday 7 and a drab draw against the Forest of Nottingham
Nearing 2 xG A without Wesley Fofana is Derby County material (Southampton are over 2 this season, and pass the ball in their own net every week - or used to), something that can’t have been overlooked by former Derby County employees and their brand new data driven department.
A good chance is 0.15 xG, so that abouts 3-4 shots more conceded inside the box.
The thing about claiming that you inherited a prehistoric mess;
is not only that it’s inaccurate but also disrespectful towards the legacy of people who achieved more in the game than they will ever do
Briefing The Telegraph before a difficult run of fixtures, only to trip on their own laces, at Wembley or vs mighty Fulham for the first time in 45 years (that’s a new statistic, see). Or Ipswich winning at home in Premier League against the dream BlueCo lineup for the first time since before their transfer target Liam Delap was even born - 2002.
Shit, we’re still wide open defensively, that wasn’t a Pochettino problem
But hey oh well, at least that’s our mate coaching the team.
Oh shit, our mate identified Fofana’s 1v1 defending as the keystone of his “defensive gameplan”, and still we wanted to nuke his 200k a week contract into the sun to get Anselmino. Who played 900 minutes in the league in two seasons
Smile, we just beat Barrow with Disasi at right back and Casadei regista to win headers
Speaking of winning headers, and $25 million Aaron Anselmino.
Anselmino, 50% headers won in Argentina.
Badiashile at the same age:
Well, even they know
Can Anselmino outperform Kaiden Wilson? We shall see.
Acheampong, Wilson, Murray-Campbell and Samuels-Smith and you’re addicted to compulsory transfers.
Do you need to spend 25 million dollars on CBs?
No wonder why Chelsea keep getting 9 yellows for 8 fouls and zero 50/50 penalty call going their way.
Reiss Russell-Denny harvesting the second ball? Standard.
Also, pree BlueCo, never less than 1.3 xG per game.
Or is it the latest trend observed on Stats Twitter; nerds actually like dribbling and chaos. Flip Flop Flip Flop
Another mention for Thomas Tuchel’s genius idea to get rid of Lukaku, Giroud and Abraham. 1.3 xG per game, 38 goals scored, worst season since 1922.
Let’s dance
Wass happening here, man
If you want to belong with the best, inspired you’ll feel to mingle with the circles that get you access to good players.
That Wasserman is one of the biggest talent agencies in the world is one thing.
That talent agencies have a scope ranging from the best in the world, to talents you might find elsewhere (or worse: at home) is a well accepted reality of how these industries work.
That building networks of relationships to facilitate the practical execution of transfers is an essential part that accelerates the process of doing business is easy to grasp ; considering that unlike South American left wingers, time is the one commodity you can’t buy more of
Wasserman manage the interests of Graham Potter, and Enzo Maresca.
Two left field appointments that you couldn’t bet on unless you had insider knowledge.
It’s therefore amusing to look through the noise, follow the trail of breadcrumbs to end up in an uncannily avenue where everyone’s living next door (therefore you can go house to house in crocs).
The space that digital influencers have crowded, to the point they’ve become disguised advertisers, generating constant noise during and especially between transfer windows play a huge part in the constant frenzy.
The football industry is also an industry where one is looking over the fence to catch up, or find inspiration.
And when it comes to inspiration, let’s say Chelsea have the finesse and discretion of an elephant in a China shop.
In what could be completely inconsequential (or: done with a fair few player staples), cross referencing Wasserman’s agency with the transfer gossip around Chelsea for the past year becomes a fabulous orchard where everyone gets his mention.
A club willing to do business in a sensible, sustainable way could very well decide to identify Maximilian Kilman as an upgrade on the LCB position. Transfers aren’t built overnight, and if Chelsea’s interest leak, not only other clubs would join the dance and the lottery would likely inflate from a 20-25 million asking price to possibly 45-50.
Deal brokers are entitled to take up to 5% (plus a cloudy grey area of “image rights”) of any transfer fee. The bigger the fee, the more generous the slice of the pie.
But if a club pulls out because you still won’t take the highway with a gold plated Renault Clio; that perspective to help yourself with a slice might disappear with other consequently less expensive LCB being identified (but managed by another agency)
Assuming the goal is to allocate a limited set of resources to reinforce the entire squad, there’s no reason to pay 120 million for a 30-60 million defensive midfielder.
Artificially inflating a transfer fee with briefings to digital content creators would compel sensible decisions makers to stop update their social media “story” for everyone to see until the deal is concluded.
Speaking of influencers and Twitter Scouting.
“Gets more things right than wrong”
Depends if you listen to absolute twitter randoms, with disgused SofaScore scouting.
Or people who “know ball”.
20 May 2023, U20 World Cup. Uzbekistan v Argentina.
You’d expect their boss to tell them that, if ever they are actually annoyed about being called at the rescue to seal (and overpay) big money deals themselves at the last minute every single time.
If identifying alternatives to a 29 year old Joe Gomez (very fine and underrated CB) on the back of a bad knee injury should not be an obstacle for any club employing three or four sporting directors spending 17 hours at the office (source: themselves)
there’s more intriguing.
Lewis Hall got a new contract, then a loan with obligation to buy in the same fortnight.
If Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall is the answer, your guess is as good as anyone’s when it comes to figuring out what can possibly be the question.
croc croc croc croc
Let alone considering Harvey Vale is already playing for Chelsea and that Reiss Russell-Denny will be a better footballer than Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall in the years to come
Harvey Vale, Kiano Dyer, Ishe Samuels-Smith and Reiss Russell-Denny
More like Kiaknows amarite
Latest news is that Dewsbury is on sale already.
Another thing we could see coming before a ball was kicked.
Clubs have interest in leaking proven or unproven interest in their own players (and have done so forever, by releasing lists of scouts in attendance).
If the next club is interested, so will others who’ll follow suit.
The uncanny part about BlueCo’s transfer strategy (regarding interest in other club’s players) is that not only it’s more leaky than Robert Sanchez at the near post, but the direct consequence of briefing everyone and their dog about their next move means that stake raise and they end up paying up to twice what would have been paid
Continue talks for Caicedo next week
There has been 12 vacuuous Fabrizio Romano club briefings about Chelsea’s interest in Caicedo between January and August, whilst the fee inlated from 60 million to 115.
The purpose of a system is what it does.
No wonder Tony Bloom can afford to sack all his scouts with the quarter of billion he’s received to relieve his club from key personel.
Benchmark business model, and all that.
Pre-emptively Insta-whoring transfers and squad building is a strategy, but as far as efficiency, is a pale comparison to the time Chelsea nicked Willian, Fàbregas or Ngolo Kanté for 60 million (+ Drinkwater) without anyone smart enough to announce it for them.
This dropped out of the blue.
If the priority is to keep business quiet, it’s probably as efficient as João Félix when 1v1 with the keeper.
If the priority is to do the corporate equivalent of #workhard Instagram posts, it is a resounding success, as long as they’re the one awarding the accolades to themselves through puff pieces before a difficult run of fixtures.
What are the odds?
This one does not spark joy.
How many times has Murillo been linked to Chelsea in the year 2024 alone?
Badiashile isn’t on sale, but if he leaves here’s our asking price.
Nottingham Forest News report that Corinthians will earn 10% of any future sale.
Incidentally, by a stroke of pure luck, Chelsea hired Alysson Marins as South America Scout.
What are the odds?
Unless Chelsea plan on organising a condominum to accomodate all their left centre backs (forgetting Levi Colwill), we’ll stick with Marie Kondo.
This one does not spark joy.
Oh and btw.
This is the granular aspect of the proceedings.
The Long and Winding Road
On a larger scale, this is what we get.
This is public data, just like liking “Like or RT” tweets about your own signings.
A proper leader sulks and refuses to travel to Stamford Bridge when he’s benched by a League One goalie. What happened to Gilbert Enoka’s motto?
Character assessment, and collaborative processes.
Botch it and jump to the conclusions you originally wanted, is how you end up with PR disasters like Enzo and Mudryk who score 0/10 with a big red cross in some old head scouts notepads.
Enzo: has the rare ability to understand the rythm of the game like Modric, play one pass where teams need three players and three passes. Can platform and impact the game from anywhere.
Is his movement off the ball improving? Is he even trying defensively? Jury’s out
Is he empowered to do so? Well, he’s the captain.
Is he setting a good example trying to start a fight whenever he fouls someone?
Makes fouls, doesn’t score goals. Won’t head, can’t run. Good feel for the game and can see a pass.
It took one season to get Pochettino to get him to run from box to box, filling 60 then 90’ then 90’ with output.
This season, he mostly looked overweight and barely bothered until he spent one month on the bench.
A 120 million midfielder. Surely, the chubby version of a unicorn is a white elephant.
First takeaway: Chelsea have paid 75 million agent fees in 2023-24, which is about 3 times the third placed club (Arsenal)
Second takeaway, Chelsea are underperforming, at an obscene proportion if you even consider finishing 4th “as per design” should have seen them spend between 30-40 million.
Third takeaway. Four clubs navigate above the R².
Sheffield United and Nottingham Forest are known to have ownership/agent intereference in transfer dealings. Manchester United was this close to give a desk to a big agent at Carrington. Manchester City use the money provided by their sponsors to sign Matheus Nunes (the sentence is grammatically legit, at least).
And well, then there’s Chelsea. Who didn’t even get dibs on Bradley Barcola, Michael Olise or actual world class players.
BlueCo paid 75 million agent fees for signing players
From their former club
With a release clause
That they signed once or twice before
Carry on, stupid, nothing to see here. We’re big time, and we’re doing big business.
Sure you are.
Another perspective is to look at this matrix to comprehend the difficulty of the task
Romeo Lavia (fine player nevertheless), wins the Palm of the most BlueCo transfer.
Having just cleared the 10 game bar, and 500 minutes treshold in two seasons after a 65 million transfer.
The Floor is Lavia.
Back for Everton.
Three weeks ago.
Warra set piece expert. It’s Jover
Where we’re going, we don’t need [set piece specialists]
The head coach who empowered Harry Kane’s rise to fame, and mentored James Ward Prowse’s set pieces exploits carrying minnows Southampton to the 8th place in Premier League, was asked in a presser on the subject of set pieces.
‘We work a lot on set-pieces,’ Pochettino told a press conference. ‘We have specialists. We are a coaching staff in charge of everything. We have a group of analy²sts for set-pieces.
‘After that, it is about the quality of the player. It is about the takers. We don’t have a specialist. Maybe Chilly [Ben Chilwell] is good in the delivery, but we don’t have a specialist after that.
‘If you want to be good in set-pieces, we work a lot. But then you need good takers. When you have good takers, and of course, Wolves have good takers, and like Manchester City have, or other clubs.
‘It is not down to the work. We work similarly, but the problem is to have good takers.
‘Look before at West Ham, and after. What changed? After and before? It’s not the same. The taker is [James] Ward-Prowse.
‘For sure, you can work, like West Ham were working. But now, you add a player like him, you increase the percentage. That is football. Football belongs to the players. Not to the specialists.’
Obviously, Pochettino was labelled past it, unable to function in a modern collaborative process. And the press was right to call out that it’s a bit rich for the club to call for specialists having spent 1 Billion on new players.
A set piece expert from Brentford was quickly snatched, and helped Chelsea move from being the third worst team on set pieces (with about half the attempts Liverpool or… Brentford produced) to being, well, the actual worst team (second) in Premier League when it comes to connecting a pass and get a shot from a dead ball situation.
We want you in the stands, not on the bench.
And because Maresca has been hired to become the man Pochettino couldn’t be. in other words the corporate guy working in unison up with all the new performance departments; (something eerily similar to the reason Niko Kovac was sacked at Monaco)
it’s amusing to know that Bernard Cueva, freshly graduating with the UEFA Pro License doesn’t get to sit on the bench (and therefore in staff meetings where Maresca’s guys discuss lineups, form, and workable solutions).
One would say this is a way to make sure nobody gets a chance to build a strong bond with players ahead of an inevitable caretaker spell on the hotseat.
If you’re alien about this kind of politics / information loop in staffs, then you’re not anymore.
There’s Trojan Horses. And then there’s “set piece coaches” who fancy your seat.
Whether the trojan horse set piece coach wanted a run in the dugout or not initially isn’t the question, he’s not the one who hired himself with an idea in mind.
4 days ago / 4 hours ago.
Enzo Maresca is not stupid, and has played football in the late 1990s and 2000s.
The french saying is “you don’t teach an old monkey how to make funny faces”.
They’ve been around the block and if you think you’ve got a contingency plan that will listen and report back upstairs, the ones you want reporting on have an answer to it.
Go get yourself a coffee, the meeting won’t be long, we’ll be back in a moment.
Play Caicedo Lavia Enzo together? Okay but one of them will play at fullback.
Collaborative approaches work when experts’ feedback is valued and decisions are taken accordingly; not by giving more money to people to find the one willing to tell you that your work has been fantastic.
When it obviously has not; Chelsea being mid table for a combination of factors when it comes to SCA (Shot Creating Actions) on Set Pieces could be “noise in the data”.
When “the numbers” show Chelsea being the worst team in the League, that silence is very loud and questions are rightfully asked.
The BlueCo Playbook
Probably cooked by someone watching Roberto Martinez’s sessions at Wigan by the window.
What is it about? Well, let’s use our eyes and observe the two BlueCo franchise implementing the same lunacy
L’Equipe reporting on July 27
“We want possession, control, and attacking football”
Got played off the park at Karlsruhe, because the opponent exploited the “inverted fullback” gimmick plastered on social media, press cuttings and interviews the week before
Cyril Olives-Berthet (covering Strasbourg) making sure to mention they all know each other from Brighton
L’Equipe reporting on December 2
For how long can BlueCo trust Rosenior with the results
This kind of article is the kiss of death in the most influential sport newspaper in the top 5 leagues - because they’ve got the power of absolute monopoly
13pts in 13 games, worse than Vieira
Zero win in the first 7 away games
27 goals conceded in 13 games
Training behind closed doors (which is a big no-no in France, unless you want fans to turn against the club, even if most clubs have now privatised their facilities (with acute investment with player sales) that used to be rented (for peanuts) from the local councils
Don’t publish the matchday squad anymore (note; amusing considering the lineups were for everyone to see in pre season)
Full court press and man marking expose the team, with 25.7 xG against, worst in the league. Lost 15pts from winning position (which for a full season is mediocre, let alone half a season)
There’s 80 million worth of transfers (or more) on the pitch.
Cyril Olives makes sure to remind Rosenior knows Winstanley, Stewart or Jewell from Brighton or Hull.
As for now, Rosenior sticks to the playbook, which will probably get him sacked during the winter break (or Strasbourg relegated at the end of the season).
Update: BlueCo playbook scrapped, and Strasbourg finally win.
The other franchise head coach Enzo Maresca has been way more strategic, after showing on his tactical software how he intends to make Chelsea play in order to land the job. And eventually scrapping all the fantasy football after a few weeks.
To Maresca’s credit, he’s an absolutely incredible operator.
The goalposts don’t move, and it’d be interesting to know (we will never know) if Maresca knew the lunacy wouldn’t work (and intended to scrap it anyway), or if a bloodbath of a pre season with 13 conceded in 5 accelerated the process.
Play der play der
Chelsea started pre-season with the self proclaimed aim to reinvent the sport of football.
🍳Enzo MARESCA: WHAT IS HE COOKING?
Continuing the culinary chronicle with the second omelette of the season
A few humblings against Wrexham, Celtic and Manchester City (the last two 4-0 inside half an hour) provided entertainement for a neutral audience
If Phil Parkinson can find out in 20’ what Maresca was about, time to update the narrative than one is a EFL dinosaur, and the other one a tactical savant.
Food for thought. Also, Phil Parkinson reached the League Cup with Bradford getting 4 past Mourinho in a Title Winning season
Maresca tanked the game vs Newcastle to exit as soon as possible.
And conceded 4.77 xG to Pochettino at the next time trying.
“It’s an important game for dem, for us it’s still a normal game”
Yes, we saw that. Don’t follow that account
That pre season was a chance to witness what would Jackass do if they were coaching a soccer team:
Hello, this is Jonny Knoxville and this is Jackass
I’ll put my GK in the back four and play my right back cosplaying as DM
Reminds you of anything?
Ruining careers before they start
Marescaball was legit losing 4-0 to that Manchester City team (and iteration)
Getting packed by a team featuring WIlson-Esbrand, Kalvin Phillips as CB and Nico O’Reilly with 100 million 0 goal in 365 days Jack Grealish
See also, some questionable defensive “buy in”.
Hi, this is Jonny Knoxville and I’m gonna throw my fullbacks in midfield without GPS
Oh, shit, the opponent set a pressing trap and attacks the space we told everyone we’d vacate.
“leakier than Robert Sanchez at the near post” etc etc
Maybe Pochettino wasn’t stupid with the “stretched distances” thing
Which fwiw is a player empowerment thing, because if nobody presses; keep the game in front of you. Better defend a carrier in front than a runner beyond.
So many modern players are blackmailed by coaches to perform tactical lunacies (otherwise they do not play). Consequence: looking like doofus, or get injured.
Until the gameplan or the head coach is canned.
The same offside trap that got Pellegrini sacked at West Ham btw.
Wondering who was whispering to his ear.
Play der, play der.
Well, they just sent their CF through with a defensive line like a hairline.
It’s a habit from last year or years ago
That eventful run of games (losing to the Brodge, at least there’s a former B team coach able to implement his football philosophy, the other one is Enzo Maresca) was interspersed with an encounter between aforementioned Enzo Maresca and his former head coach Carlo Ancelotti.
Who suggested to give up on the high line insanity.
There’s waffling, and whatever the fuck this is.
Tuchel won the CL parking the bus conceding zero shots (behind closed doors), and Pochettino inherited an undersize 38 year old CB who camped in the box all season.
Two minutes in, Marc Guiu running in treacle and three seconds late, and centre backs aligned 5 yards in the attacking half.
If you don’t like my principles, I have others.
Let’s deflect and blame Pochettino who played a 38 year old Thiago Silva who didn’t leave the penalty box all season, with stretched distances from back to front.
As long as there’s idiots to actually believe that’s not litteraly the BlueCo playbook - the one that will probably get Rosenior back in England - sooner than Andrey Santos, probably sold to the first bidder despite being the best midfielder in McDonald’s Ligue 1.
Unless that’s the other BlueCo playbook; blame anyone before them, but themselves - a shirt sponsor anytime lads?
Hopefully we can solve the high line bullshit very soon.
Bryan Mbeumo disagrees. The gift that keeps on giving
A move which started because the worst outfielder on the pitch, Marc Cucurella, played a square throw in at 88 2-0 up in a Premier League game.
You can change boots, crocs, the worst outfielders will always cost you games because football is a weak link sport.
Throw a bag of shit to Caicedo between 3 players, then fuck off ahead of the ball
Look busy with that curly hair, albeit out of position
Dis was a controlled performance.
If your game model gets Cucurella as number 10 it needs canned.
Tuchel got Ben Chilwell playing like Rui Costa in the half spaces. Coaching with good players is easier than tinkering with people recruited based on a “tackles attempted” spreadsheet.
Guess what, Cucurella’s pass bounced on his timberlands and played Hutchinson through, not even on the frame the last picture
Get rid of the weak link?
Cucurella costs one goal anytime he starts a Premier League game
Now he got himself sent off after the full time whistle, le’s go full WWE and play Renato Veiga
Some more?
Dewsbury “knows the system” and Maresca was showing the players clips of Leicester last season. The fucking cheek of it, only to give him 55’ minutes in Premier League.
Dressing rooms are brutal, if any player has a remote chance to be the butt of a “teacher’s pet” joke. Now Dewsbury has’t cleared the hour played after a 35 million transfer, it must be awkward to “know the system” yet not sniffing the pitch.
Is he in the bomb squad? Ill? Injured? Sulking? Expecting the promised minutes?
Knows the system, so does the Shamrock player who intercepts
Carrier not closed down. You teach U11 or U13 to back off in these situations
Which is what Axel Disasi does
Where the fuck is Renato Veiga?
About 25 light years of where he should be. Shitpost and fortune telling.
This is from the scouting report:
Backing off when the carrier isn’t closed down: covered extensively here:
Acheampong is a better footballer than whatever Veiga does.
Quick as I’m reaching the threshold of positive comments; Jorgensen’s near post defending is good. That’s it. There’s your token toxic positivity.
Corner, Noni unable to head it clear, volley and tap in. 1-1
Find some Sham(rock Rovers)
How bad is Renato Veiga? Well, bad bad.
If you’re out of your depth in Swiss League (where third tier French players play for European Contenders - like 3 or 4 former Dunkirk, Avranches, Cholet etc… players who played for Servette and wiped the floor clear with Chelsea)
There’s little chance you’ll take the PL by storm. As he? Not really.
Maresca would rather play Reece James with no training session at left back than his “swiss army knife” from Shein.
Tosin is better than Trevoh Chalobah.
Well he’s 6ft4 or 5, surely he could jump instead.
Tosin vs Chalobah?
Sure, this isn’t the situation CBs like. But there’s ways to mitigate a disaster, like Rüdiger, Alaba or Ramos have done for a decade for Real Madrid
Tosin doesn’t block shots. Things you notice when you watch him
Disasi as right back?
Well, he can win a fogging header.
We’ve discussed it already. Qualified coaches frm Non League to Premier League field 5 headers to match up on set pieces. Maresca is no different, fields as much as he can.
From last season:
Anyway, see that bench? Why don’t you both take the great opportunity go sit down next to Felix?
Leicester, bottle jobs and brandy-Red Bull
In the midst of a generational bottle job, with Maresca’s Leicester fumbling a 18pt lead to 3rd place in the space of a few weeks, Jamie Vardy taking charge of the business end of the season was what allowed the Foxes to get it over the line.
In the 10 games between the end of January 2024 and March 2024 when Marescaball was found out, mostly after one of the most insufferable puff pieces ever written on a football team, this is what Leicester played.
Slow possessionball, find Jamie Vardy back to goal 25 yards from goal to play sexy layoffs.
After three straight defeats, something obviously changed; Maresca’s principles, or simply Jamie Vardy doing the same thing that happened when Claude Puel was forced out.
Put the ball in the fucking box and let me score, stop wasting time with your tippy tappy bullshit.
Progressive passes reception towards Jamie Vardy:
Also Maresca after a scrapped win at Birmingham City.
Put the three points in the bag.
There’s probably an elephant in the room:
Bottling a 18pt lead to 3rd is due to
Plummeting physically, after jumping from 25 showcase games in PL2 to 46 games
Mentally, with players freewheeling : the skill in management is to adress bad spells. Good teams win games, bad teams lose games.
Or were found out big time from a tactical standpoint by juggernauts “Bristol” “QPR” or “Millwall”
Somehow for a certain section of fans, losing the French Cup to a losers club being 2-0 up after 20’ with Neymar and Mbappé isn’t “bottling”
But making 86pts with Spurs is.
Russell Martin and Enzo Maresca are cut from the same cloth. Football philosophy until the season tickets yell at the goalkeeper, who sends rockets over the top for Adam Armstrong or Jamie Vardy to chase; and let’s pretend it was the plan all along.
No promotion without Armstrong and Vardy’s live cosplay of Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner
Tactacfoot
Speaking of standards and accountabiity,
This is a random twitter account.
Or is it. How many people have access to HD footage without scoreboard?
Not even WyScout with a paid subscription.
TVs (but you’d get sacked for posting copyrighted material to whore out for interactions).
And teams who get it directly, depending on the level somtimes via a USB stick from the TV van after the game to beat the cloud and upload on performance analysis platforms. Some staff end up with a bagpack full of USB sticks. If you know, you know.
Wow, much wow.
There was this Marilyn Manson urban rumour everyone heard at school / secondary in the early 2000s about removing ribs for the purpose of, and oh well… you probably heard it anyway.
Gassing a performance against the Barrow, exploring new submarine depths of auto-congratulation and LinkedIn posting.
They think the same way, just like Maresca and Pochettino, keen to start Disasi at right back am I right.
Something funny about “standards” versus throwing players under the bus, when the 10th wagebill in Premier League (2022-23) loses to League One promoted Plymouth, whose record signing, Morgan Whittaker the “Devon Mbappé” was signed for… 1 million.
That’s social media, fans being angry, whatever.
That being said, a Leicester fan’s head would be on mars if he was told he had to make an effort to understand.
Makes sense that a renowned sport jounalists QTs an absolute Twitter rando to make a point.
Exclusive social media networking, indeed.
All in all, not a big deal. LinkedIn is the Facebook for anyone born before 1990 and coaches post highlight reels on social media all the time.
There comes a point where achievements (should) take over the need to PR and beg podcasts twitter accounts for RTs on social media.
Oh, what a coincidence!
A random twitter account with clout.
Boring Boring Chelsea
Tension was mounting ahead of last pre-season game at Stamford Bridge against Inter Milan, with a winless Chelsea having to confront their fans for the first time to conclude a pre season where they shipped in about 15 goals.
With the best seats in the house, Maresca’s Chelsea was serving a soporific 4-3-3, slow, boring as if coached by Matthew Yglesias, a fellow borefest.
carved through in the first half in a rigid 4-3-3.
Cole Palmer coming on at half time immediately displayed utter contempt for whatever he was asked, and made his best Nicolas Anelka impression, picking the ball in the centre circle to make things happen.
No wonder the guy who told Palmer to stop the #10 gimmick and forced him wide for Manchester City U21 was fuming, but then also Chelsea was losing 0-1 so oh well let’s let players pump crosses and pray for Nkunku to nab a goal (that’s his bicycle kick)
Chelsea avoided another defeat thanks to second striker Lesley Ugochukwu crashing the D and volleying an effort through traffic. As a reward for his endeavours, Lesley’s rumours of a sale to LOSC Lille accelerated (coached by Bruno Génésio who halted Neymar and… Poch’s PSG 2021 title charge)
2021 : MOTM vs PSG in May 2021, 1-1 draw, PSG miss out on the title for 2pts
2024 : bails out Marescaball for a first non defeat of the season
Was eventually dumped on Russell Martin’s doorstep,
The backoffice knew through extensive hours at the office doomscrolling tactico threads, @MorbidKnowledge, BlueCoXtra and Creepy dot com that Russel Martin would start Flynn Downes as “regista” whatsoever (and still does with 5pts in 16 games). Creating pathways etc etc…
Short: Lesley, tall quick good scores.
Loaned out because other midfielders are none of these things and he’d throw shade at them.
After another walkover defeat to Manchester City (with Marc Guiu’s only Premier League minutes, to wave the white flag?), and trailing at half time at Wolverhampton
The stuff of nightmares. 3 haven’t sniffed a Premier League pitch since, and the other one has 1 goal in January.
Principles went flying through the window, and the short build up “soles on the ball” gimmick were swiftly replaced by early long punts for the quick forwards.
Groundhog day
Cocaineball
Anytime Chelsea win, it’s by doing the exact opposite of what’s advertised
How exactly is it a “controlled” performance with 40% possession at home?
With Caicedo completing two passes forward in the opposition half, and Enzo three ?
This is peak cocaineball (don’t do drugs)
Palmer, 6 progressive passes forward, 4 goals?
That’s pure cinema.
Anytime Chelsea win, the next game sees themselves get high on their own supply
And fail to create any danger like when they played 11v10 at home vs Nottingham Forest.
I can’t focus for a few days since I leaned that in some parts of the world, people eat live fish who wiggle in their plate.
Like what the fuck.
Look at these little dashs scrambling aimlessly.
Still a better viewing that whatever the fuck is Caicedo’s passmap vs Forest
Enzo, master creator if the pitch was tilted 45°
Marc Cucurella who currenty enjoys a Premier League career passing the ball back to the sender.
Some say there’s credit card fraud payments that don’t get such a high bounce back rate.
Like what the fuck.
Look at these little dashs scrambling aimlessly.
Pass received locations? There’s coffee stains on a scouting shortlist less negligent than that.
There’s a perspective that Chelsea has been unable to break down teams sitting deep as a result of how predictable they are.
This is my opinion, and yours might be different. Then again, good for you.
Long pass on the deck for Jackson, layoff for Gusto who was shunted to fullback after being an average CM / winger at OL Academy but still now asked to perform it in PL
Gets marked out, jumped and draws a cheap foul
Quick free kick, with Palmer somewhat as right back.
The purpose of a system is what it does, and if the interchange dynamics put your best players in zones that are worthless 4 times out of 5 receptions; maybe a rethink would be required
Right back Palmer for Madueke into space, who asked into feet.
Throw in, half an hour of absolute nothingness from a team keeping games tight (and 4pts behind Chelsea superflying blues).
Nothingness Forest - against Nuno Espirito Santo’s team.
In what world is it a good idea to play Gusto back to goal there?
Juego de Depression demands optimal zone occupation.
Well, if my CB is running in circles for a lack of options, maybe we failed to consider that the opponent isn’t half as daft as we imagine he is
Teams don’t fuck around the bush, aim to feed their best attacker against the worst outfieler
That was a controlled performance.
Warra zone occupation, to isolate Sancho 1v3.
Less chaos, less penalties, more draws
Feel free to move the goalposts
Penalty winning isn’t a skill (what the fuck am I reading); surprisingly Chelsea’s record is dry since they lost Sterling
We fare wall without penalties don’t we - YOLO
It’s paramount that there’s a list of penalty takers (but if there was, Sterling misses at 3-4 vs City and Palmer doesn’t get on a rampage) because I’m a boring sports fan who likes order when watching sport - by definition, chaotic.
Quibbling on the pitch is character building, and it’s good that it exposes the kind of players assembled together. The spreadsheet didn’t tell you that second string attackers would be petulant, you’re looking at the wrong data.
Conclusion; Cole Palmer is the alpha. Your deadline day panic buy snatched from Brighton.
Chelsea won 3 penalties this season, a stale comparison to the 11 won in the Ancelotti 2010 Title winning season, and Pochettino’s Lemonball last season.
When you’re stumbling 11v10 against Nottingham Forest, maybe winning penalties is good.
“Petulant second rate attackers”
If hitting the target is a KPI, so is "one goal in January” for your needle mover Neto
Assists this season: Leif Davis (2), Malo Gusto (1)
Assists in the past two seasons: Leif Davis (20), Malo Gusto (7)
Chelsea signed Malo Gusto for 35 million from OL. As much as Michael Essien.
But it’d take empowered attackers able to attack the box how they see fit, not cosplaying as fullbacks to perform Juego de Depression for an audience of tactico bullshiters.
Spending 1.5 B on a brand new data-driven, scout’s expertise squad who can compete in every match up. Force out Neil Bath and Jim Fraser who developped the most exciting generation of polyvalent footballers since Ajax or Dynamo Kiev.
Only to fail to win half the games, so far.
With 5 draws and 3 defeats in 18 games, BlueCo’s franchise is winless in 45% of the games played.
Still very well in company of other car crash seasons.
2019-2020 being the exception; with only 16% draws.
Pushing to get a winner, and get hit on the break (Yarmolenko?) is a lesser evil than blanking out games leaving Jwow Felix on the bench, flipping through dem stacks
Jwow is on 150k a week, he was at 280k a week at Atletico so who knows how much BlueCo actually pay Jorge Mendes’ client.
Maresca, Lavia and Caicedo.
If you don’t like my principles, I have others
Groucho Marx.
That’s Fàbregas for Diego Costa at Watford.
Embrace the Chelsea heritage, it was about time.
We don’t like counter-attacking. We’re fucking using it a lot though.
What does that say about the whole “process”
Maybe it’s one big pile of shit as well.
Chelsea fans don’t bother, they got their Chelsea back. This is the brand of football that made them the most feared matchup in the 2000s, and the brand of football Di Matteo, Lampard, Pochettino embraced in José Mourinho’s footsteps.
But all the crop of brainwashed saturday sofanalysts waffling about “positional play” suddenly flip their jacket and become the most obnoxious “only the result matter” after whatever that “give it to Palmer and sit down” performance (ever?)
In a manner not too dissimilar to a bad transfer coming back from a bad loan, it’s been fairly amusing to Chelsea smashing the “reset” button and trying to come back to the initial fantasy football, lately at Newcastle United in the League Cup.
Winning in the league vs Newcastle three day before with a 80 yard Charlie Adam pre-assist at Blackpool (2010-11) - peak Ian Holloway ball.
Then three day later in the League Cup
Groundhog day, back to the BlueCo Bullshit.
Another BB, asked to feed the worst outfielder in Premier League; Renato Veiga
Broken GPS, standing in the middle of the high street in crocs
Gets jumped, striker open between the CBs.
We are in the wrong position
We’re in textbook position for Ambush sir
Like seriously. Don’t shove forks in powersockets with wet hands.
Speaking of ambush, don’t look at the Newcastle run of form since the walkover League Cup win over Chelsea when Sgt. Sobel threw away the game before kick off.
That’s good scouting. Renato Veiga wasn’t released on a free (in other words: we can’t even talk a club into paying money to break your contract, and we can’t pay you doing fuck all in the meantime as you won’t make the pitch here) by Sporting for doing dumb shit like that already:
39 seconds:
A remix of the pre season bullshit, which didn’t work then, nor did three months later.
Sanchez had plenty of time to ping a ball to Colwill (6).
The same Enzo Maresca;:
“if you play long, you go out”
Robert Sanchez this season
Well, the principles don’t seem to principle very well.
That has to be trolling. Rank them by trolling potential.
Then again.
Badiashile with the baseball bat to smash the ball for a home run after 5 minutes.
Volley the ball on the CBs, scrap the second ball, let players ball.
Build up play.
Winning against Aston Villa playing some of the most MLB football you can imagine
For avoidance of doubt, Benwa is good good. Benwa Goodiashile.
Then getting played off the park for an entire half of football at Spurs until Maresca scrapped the “inverted fullback” and “GK in the back four” gimmick to play properly.
Sanchez with a hospital pass on Badiashile who smashes it into trafic
3-2-1 “go”, just attack the worst outfielder (Marc Cucurella) and you’re 2-0 up in 11"‘
Hey everyone, we’ll play leg breakers rolling for players back to goal
Sarr nicking the ball from Caicedo, running triangles around Caicedo
The Floor is Lavia in the penalty box, Caicedo out of position, Badiashile hung out to dry can’t pick all the runners and defend the space.
Udogie from the corner flag gets the chance for 3-0 in the six yard box ahead of anyone bothered to prevent him to receive (Caicédoméo?), a pearoller kissing the post
That the two BlueCo franchises implemented the same nonsense in pre season, and were exposed for it suggests there’s an eminence grise beyond Liam Rosenior and Enzo Maresca.
That one scrapped it in favour of what works deserves credit from an audience that’s difficult to define at the moment (other clubs? The PFA? Tacticos? Players? Agents? Liam Rosenior?), whilst the other will probably get sacked at Christmas like French clubs usually do so that the caretaker gets the first round of the Cup in January.
If you don’t like my principles, I have others.
Another BlueCo metric diametrically opposed to the storytelling.
From DataAnalyticEPL on twitter:
Build up attacks: The number of open play sequences that contain ten or more passes and either ends in a shot or has at least one touch in the box.
Direct attacks: The number of open play sequences that start from just inside your own half and have at least 50% movement towards the opposition’s goal and ends in a shot or a touch in the opposition penalty box.
Embrace chaosball imo. But don’t get high on your own supply.
You bombarded Brentford with crosses to finally break down a team sitting deep?
Because “Maresca analysed they conceded goals on crosses last week”
Why don’t you shove your stoytelling up where the sun never shines
You know what would’ve been a good idea, that would make you 10pt clear in that economy?
Cheaping out on Duran (150k a week) or Olise whp wanted to finish the chapter at Chelsea ; shit doesn’t add up when you spend 75 million in agent fees in a single season.
Madueke cross for Cucurella coached by Maresca. Well, sure, yeah, you do you.
Other people would’ve kept Lemon Man, Olise and Duran.
Not worse than Lamela / Kane for attacking crosses.
Quick subs?
Start an OnlyFans, that’s a better strategy.
Maresca got plaudits for “early subs” early in the season, some will say that was 55 minutes late for players he was kindly asked to start.
And when the bench now comprises of three fullbacks, two goalkeepers, Marc Guiu and Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall (the post mortem of Maresca’s tenure will be hilarious as to whoever claims he brokered KDH’s signing - remember, he’s an upgrade on Gallagher), suddenly Chelsea made only one sub vs Fulham before falling apart
Success has many fathers, failure is an orphan.
Maresca is a masterful operator, but down the line, running the starting XI to the ground because the bench is unplayable will doom any team at any level.
Fulham with 0.2 xG at the hour mark?
Is it the per90 equivalent to bottling a 18pt lead to third in January?
Answers on a postcard
A Marescard.
Palmer FC - Has Maresca turned it worse?
Pinnacle of the 4-window process is a panic deadline day buy between West Ham, Burnley and Brighton? Shit don’t add up.
Key word: empowerment.
The best coach in the world at getting goal output from wide attackers.
Pick you warrior:
against Enzo Maresca.
Rooting for your former shin kicker moved to 10 (because not trusted in “build up”) from your former club, after the nastiest tackle of the season is certainly a choice.
You “love” Ndidi, after he almost ended the career of the one who gave you yours?
Maresca without Cole Palmer
Nobody told him when to start winning games with Buffon and 15 new signings in Serie B
Three points from 8th, what kind of gaslighting is it.
wot
Cole Palmer is a brilliant finisher
Creative in small spaces, streetwise creativity to get out of pressure.
Was always gonna be double marked by opposition teams.
Palmer is more efficient with the goal on his right, which the eye test confirms
And the numbers comfirm, creating more value from shots with the goal on his right
Definitely some sample effects, and survivorship biais due to the fact Palmer played from the right cutting in,
But the goal location map tells a story of being more efficient with the goal on his right; with a high volume of blocked, saved and shots off target coming from the right.
Palmer is triple marked, it’s fairly easy for opponents to pack the area where he’s gonna receive, starting games as 10 under Maresca - as opposed to roaming where he wants under Pochettino.
Carlo Ancelotti, the most continental Italian manager - hence why he succeeded everywhere at first attempt.
Nominally 4-3-3 with Drogba (getting 17 assists in 2009-10) and Nicolas Anelka roaming to go where he wants.
Don’t disrespect late 2000s football, 2023-24 saw 3.5 goals per game which is one more than the 2.4 reported a decade earlier.
Don’t gaslight the masses on which was the “tactical” and “non tactical” era
West Ham conceded 66 goals in 2010, De Zerbi’s Brighton conceded 62 in 2024.
How did Ancelotti get the best of Le Sulk
If you set out in 433, the opposition sets up with a nominal left back and will pass on markings to the DM when the guy roams.
This is the two seconds of adjustment that can be exploited, to ask questions whether to leave the zone (and not screen Drogba), or press and leave pockets in which Malouda or Lampard would pounce
Ancelotti walked the league, 103 goals, playing 433 turning 343 in possession
Each run had a counter-run. Good players on the pitch.
Genius lies in simplicity.
Not 4231 with Anelka locked in 10 - just put two DMs, kick him from pillar to post.
Back to Cole Jermaine Palmer, nominally 10 with two foil / supporting characters who take zero risks, and pass it back to the CMs.
The “wingers to Cole Palmer 10” cluster is a blackhole.
What kind of football is this
wetin be dis
CMs who either struggle to get the ball in final third with consistent quality (Caicedo at Ipswich), or do it (Enzo) having failed to find good separation, and with the passing lane being marked out. Because none of Sancho Felix Neto Cucurella Gusto feed Palmer regularly
All he’s left to do is to carve through teams on his own
Amusing how the bandwidth wasting, put the bins out, and come down for dinner GSCE taking brigade screaming about “individual brilliance” when it comes to slagging off Lampard, Solskjaer, Pochettino… stay fairly quiet when Chelsea go 2 goals in 4 games, both scored by Palmer with very little help from his friends
Speaking of Cole Palmer’s friends, not us signing Kobbie Mainoo to make up for bottling Champions League qualification for the second year running?
As the club is getting ready for a busy january targeting a GK, a CB, a CM and a CF whilst staying open for any good market opportunity.
Trafic congestion on the M25?
I don’t even know what that is
Advanced tactical systems usually piss off very quickly good players who end up doing what they want
Cucurella clogging valuable space
Inviting Colwill to pass the back (instead of doing so himself once he receives)
Passing lane clogged like a train toilet on the last train on a Saturday
Palmer throwing arms in frustration because Cucurella clogs the space (which he’s asked to). Time wasting in possession, in search for the perfect zone occupation.
The only players who need time and space are players who score.
Final score, 1-2 Fulham.
Palmer’s season is the story of being cut off, by opponents or his own team mates
Look, that’s what your best player makes out of your tactical ego trip to “invert the left back in the half spaces”
Palmer dropping 70 yards from goal to make stuff happen
13 goals and 6 assists is a high level output come January.
A closer look shows 13 goals in 9 games, and 11 blanks.
World Class players outgrow systems, the less a system there is, the better players are.
Cook what you want and put Messi upfront, that will do.
Hazard also spent long spells watching the other 10 players play Sarriball.
The challenge is to question the amount of games Palmer has less than 0.4 xG or 0.4 xA, or in other words, how much the system is a burden to get him into good positions.
Is it a matter of “usage” ; expecting creative (unexpected passes) chance creation for someone who can definitely create better than most, but who still ranks closer to Gareth Bale than Mesut Özil when it comes to finding the direct route to goal (as opposed to setting the attacking rythm).
Palmer has 3 assists since the 1st of September.
He’s a wide goalscorer, a catalyst for final third.
Chelsea will have a playmaking ceiling with Cole Palmer (just like they had with Juan Mata, sold to United to fund Matic - helping Chelsea jump from 75 to 84pts).
With Chelsea currently on par for 68 points (36 in 20 games), improvement with Pochettino’s crash test with a new team season (63 points) is dangerously sliding towards a far-fetched granular agenda driven codswallop.
Has Enzo Maresca improved Chelsea? Jury’s out.
Has Enzo Maresca improved Cole Palmer?
Cole Palmer improved, he’s (even) more clinical,
Now scoring one shot every 7 attempts compared to one in 8 last season.
Otherwise, on every other metric; “no system” Lemonball (yellow, like the lemons who absorb bad energy) brought a better output from Palmer in his rookie season
Than “tactical system” maximising Marc Cucurella as playmaker does from Palmer in his sophomore season.
Choice cut, the chief recommends:
Passing success dropping -5 points
Less touches inside the box
Less carries into the box
Just fouled more times as a result of how predictable Chelsea became, and how good players eventually get kicked from pillar to post (like Hazard, Bale, Saka)
No wonder when the Sporting Directors will let the owner read the spreadsheet they prepared, having their best player having a lesser output with the manager “you’ll love working with” won’t go amiss
Chelsea could’ve signed Olise on the right, Palmer on the left to shift and shoot.
Caicenzoméo
Chelsea signed 300 million worth of midfielders.
The peculiar balance (or lack of) that never struck people who assembled it, has been demonstrated through their first actual outing outside a spreadsheet. Which is also their last outing, when an end of cycle Manchester City never got past second gear for a walkover win in August.
Savinho played one (1) good game this season.
Good teams play short and long. Those who talk themselves into out-passing, end up improvising;
Guiu, any chance of competing for that fucking ball?
Caicedo doing the “London Eye” closing down.
Enzo’s mind is not on the ball-goal line.
That was 4-3-3. croc croc croc
How can anyone blame Levi Colwill for failing to stop a train
For some people, they’re the modern day equivalent of Busquets-Iniesta-Xavi (who’s even looking at goals?).
For others, they’re a gruesome threesome where none of the things you’d expect Premier League winning midfielders to do, are demonstrated on a regular basis. Namely, wining it back, scoring goals, heading and avoiding dumb fouls around the box.
Some will even suggest that for all of 3 Sporting Directors, each of them got their own signing, and to hell with the idea that they’d even be expected to perform together at any point.
Enzo is a defensive liability? Caicedo and Lavia provide more balance?
The floor is Lavia
Lavia is a problem solver, dribbler who can pass.
Rare profile. Good player People assume he's a DM because of his skin color, that's called racial stacking and it's staining sport discourse since the 1970s. Do better
The funny aspect about the whole Lavia thing is that forcing the player into the lineup halfway through his RTT protocol, so that it’d ideally generate a 200 minute sample to justify selling Conor Gallagher in January
Backfired just like “hiring a tactical manager” did, by getting the player injured with a rare, peculiar upper leg muscle injury
How much “the evironment around the player” was inside or outside the club.
The one million question. Asked 62 times.
Closer look at Romeo Lavia on the play quoted above:
He's a nice player in between a DM and a creator to keep it ticking.
He's got a man in his area
Decides to ball watch on a carrier with space in front (he's late), leaving his opponent roaming
Rushes out, escapes the ball-goal line and ends up cutting on his right to try mitigate his poor positioning
Defence not screened, hung out to dry once again.
Granted; out of Caicedo, Enzo and Lavia; Lavia might have the best positional sense out of the three to screen the back 4.
It’s still far from reliable enough. Details matter, and one yard positioning can change the picture
“double team” to help out the fullback, is bread and butter for any CM worth his trade
Go for the “ball-goal channel” (orange) then close down forward (white path)
Lavia is walking along, and ends up level with Doku (dark path), therefore doesn’t screen the Doku-Bernardo pass, flicked for Erling. Goal.
Sweet memories of translating a Schneiderlin interview circa 2013, where he mentioned Pochettino’s attention to detail, that one yard could block a given passing lane.
July 2020 vs 2024.
Now the two players involved play internationally, one of them gets cameos in the Champions League. And yes here he is covering the line between the ball and the goal to close down forward.
Lavia is useful if you have 100% possession I guess.
Which is like an original idea Tony Bloom hasn’t thought of first, doesn’t seem to exist everywhere
Academy football rarely puts players in situations to make decisions.
Kiano Dyer
Who does things as well as whatever people think Lavia does.
Poch knew. Does Maresca.
Middle-earth: Chelsea’s Fantasy World
That quick napkin visualisation raises more questions than it provides answers, when once price tags are removed, anyone is trying to make sense out of the fact that some are pampered (or forced into lineups) whilst some have swiftly be hidden out on loan (to not overshadow the project midfield 3 ?)
Chelsea got rid of the outdated Mauricio Pochettino, who only ever empowered Moussa Dembele to be one of the best players in the world, and started Harry Winks in a Champions League final (which definitely made the “Harry Winks role at Leicester” fairytale all the more funny - know your level and place in the game).
Once they replaced him by tactical savant Enzo Maresca, footballing plebs can only sit down and listen to their man… eventually coming to the exact conclusions.
Showing the pathway
How much “see there’s a pathway” used as a bait can hide the fact that there’s not a chance actual competent football professionnals decide that
Ato Ampah, Harrison McMahon, Samuel Rak-Sakyi - who are all very fine footballers in their own right, as expanded here
McMahon travelling at Serviette (who wiped the floor with Chelsea)
Not named on a 9 man bench when Serviette had 12.
1.5 billion spent, 90 professionals and can’t fill a bench
Bit rich to save on match bonus, instead of giving a token spot on the bench.
Nobody is a chancer at this level (almost)
Chelsea lost against 3rd tier French footballers anyway, so no win bonus to waste on Cobham graduates.
would be warranted chances in the first team set up before
Kiano Dyer, Josh Acheampong and Shim Mheuka, or Reiss Russell-Denny
Tyrique George got poverty minutes in pre-season.
Pretending there’s a pathway, with the (respectfully) second string Development Squad players?
With the double agenda to keep the distances with the BlueCo sigings?
Shim Mheuka (2007) outperforming Carlos Vanarama?
Limiting the risk to see Reiss Russell-Denny take the best set pieces in the team?
Kiano Dyer to take ownership of games like the absolute unicorn he is?
with a stranglehold Romeo Lavia hasn’t showed yet (when he can string 3 games in a row)?
Harvey Vale, who Chelsea tried to sell to a Saudi based club,
Like you’re trying to milk 8 digit fees out of U21 players on Football Manager one week before deadline
The most complete footballer at the club, who could play 10 outfield positions. A swiss knife, only lacking sharing the same agent as the manager one will dare to say
Josh Acheampong outperform 150 million worth of CB signings.
Match Review: Josh Acheampong @ Crystal Palace
Breaking down Josh Acheampong’s long awaited first start in Premier League.
Cue: the latter happened, and Chelsea briefed their interest in Chalobah / Guéhi the VERY next day. Tu tududu, but not Conor Gallagher.
Last (matchday), I gave you my heart.
But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.
That’s how rattled they are
No one does it better than Cobham anyway.
Caicenzo
Caicedo and Enzo can’t play together.
Caicedo’s decision making in open defensive situations leaves him in between all the time.
All top clubs DMs have counter mitigation to do (space management), prime Casemiro was an example of how to delay, show wide and time interventions on an island - even without him, Real Madrid racked up 20 clean sheets in 2024.
They’re the Galacticos, they will sign the hottest prospects. And yet, defensive balance still subsides, just as much by paying a premium for top players than knowing how to organise them harmoniously.
Caicedo makes too many fouls in his own half, is marginally above average in final third when it comes to end product (compared to Ramires - with no academy curriculum)
A former National Team manager (who coached ze big club Tottenam) sharing a TV set with me a decade ago had a one liner “got to hit the target from inside the box” - it stuck with me since
How much is it Chelsea playing chaosball, to Caicedo chasing his own turnovers?
Surely if you exert any control over games, your DM isn’t putting out fires left right and centre.
Enzo is one of the most ill-disciplined midfielders seen at top level, vindicated by being given the armband despite the bus singing nonsense. Constantly over-run, closing down wrong side and bypassed.
Another statistical milestone for BlueCo, Enzo Fernandez is the best midfielder in the league, dribbled past a whopping 2.2 times per game (a tackle attempt that’s blatant enough to be logged as such by $10 a day subcontractors)
Pochettino’s Lemons?
Well, at least Enzo Fernandez was dribbled past 1.5 times per game last season.
Over 2 times this season. Tactical manager, juego de depression and all that.
A shambolic chemistry that was exposed when Chelsea travelled to Portman Road.
Don’t let any masterful operator gaslight you that’s a B team because it’s the B team goalkeeper.
That’s very close to the BlueCo dream lineup (and Felix / Nkunku are top 8 earners, so can’t be possibly anywhere else than best XI).
No wonder Kieran McKenna said no to Chelsea, he had no interest in being kindly invited to play lineups like that. He’s signing Jaden Philogene though, that’ll do.
Three minutes in, Enzo’s home run to get around Cajuste
More OJ Simpson Car Chase defending. Caicedo dribbled past
Expecting a Nkunku, Palmer, Madueke, Felix front 4 to press is certainly a concept.
Apparently Maresca gets buy-in.
Enzo Fernandez crossing the line btween the ball and the goal, just like he crossed the one to question where his team mates’ genealogical tree comes from.
Ends up wrong side,
Caicedo tracks the runner
Modern goalkeeper Jorgensen can’t sweep outside of his 6yrd box, gets the timing all wrong
Is it a penalty? Well if you clip the striker there with no attempt to play the ball, a 6 year old will tell you it’s a penalty. And in case the call is cheap, well so was a plane ticket for Trevoh Chalobah to go on pre-season tour (Disasi was part of the travelling squad, and didn’t play a game - still back from injury)
Modern footballing principles, and all the jazz
Caicedo as sitting duck gets jumped
Then Caicenzo ball watch, easy to commit and bypass by Hutchinson who nails the timing (thinking of Neto spinning round like a record in these situations is painful)
Caicedo making a meal of that recovery
Turning it over. Enzo “deadass” challenging his opponent wrong side
No wonder Badiashile and Fofana are injured
Another gegendepressing attempt to win the ball back
Enzo showing the urgency that forced Pochettino and Lampard to consider playing an actual midfielder and Caicedo behind him
Quick CB Levi Colwill (the new target after Mount and Gallagher) having to sweep behind the defence 1v2
Caicedo playing in Palmer’s achilles (the one Ndidi stamped on, and Maresca to say it wasn’t worthy of a red card).
Turnover
Another gegendepressing attempt to win the ball back, Cajuste adjusting a pass to Delap in the pocket.
If you want to play like the yankees in here, you’ll lose to the yankees out there.
Difference between top teams and overpriced assemblage of second string players, is that the former are easy to convince to be “fucking animals” when possession is turned over, to do that tactical foul that kills momentum.
Well, the latters, they’re happy to coast through thinking of their 8 year contract.
Caicedo dribbling diagonally, turning it over in final third
Enzo lunging with no chance to win it back, he’s unable to cover his midfield counterpart
Caicedo turning over another five yarder
Not us clamping the striker back to goal in a *checks notes* 5v1
At some point, serious discussions need to be held about what are the requirements to compete in central midfield in England. 5 Sporting Directors, all english, building a team that’s been exposed on second balls for two years has not been a great testimony of how to build a 100pt squad.
Michael Edwards, once told “why don’t we play with our laptop against their laptop, see who wins”, assembled McAllister, Endo, Gravenberch who are oustanding at harvesting second balls
Outstaning, is Sam Morsy who’s worth paying a matchday ticket for. “Someone should be there”. Well Samuel is before you realise.
Conor Gallagher was making Enzo and Caicedo look good together
The point of Gallagher last season was to interchange with Enzo so that Gallagher would play the easy pass, and Enzo would find space behind or around CMs.
And incidentally, do all the things Lavia Caicedo Enzo weren’t able or bothered to do
And it allowed to play an actual right back, not a 120 million defensive midfielder out of position. "Why is Enzo playing as 10" that's where he can be influential. Anyone can play that first pass. Lewis Bate included
Enzo at 10, but at what cost? Losing credibility for tacticos, but also exposing Wesley Fofana to “muscle fatigue” after 50 minutes playing once a week.
My arse (or just below, to be precise).
The narratives can’t catch up. A toothpick truly changes everything
A second ball problem? That’s second thoughts
Do Chelsea have a second ball problem? Same squad, same problems.
You can change the coach again, the ingredients are the same
1/ Colwill wins the ball in the air (because he's good)
2/ Enzo doesn't jump, he's a luxury player
3/ Lavia scraps the 2nd ball - tbf he's powerful and got an eye for a second ball.
4/ Enzo probably the mind elsewhere, sleeps Squad building shortcoming, and Aston Villa have a settled possession in Chelsea's half, from a long goalkick. PL football demands PL footbnallers
Another lap for the concept car?
After a car crash 2022-23 season (12th place, 38 goals scored, thank you Super Tommy T to have sold everything looking like from close or afar to a goalscorer - hope he enjoyed bottling the Bundesliga with Harry Kane)
4 different coaches naming a lineup, including Bruno Saltor, the eminence grise behind the Marc Cucurella social experiment, who started vs Liverpool with a fit Badiashile on the bench.
BlueCo’s decision makers decided that a change was needed.
Without ever wondering if the sandwich which they made was edible. Bruh.
Names mentioned here and there were Eddie Howe and Enzo Maresca, who incidentally (also) share the same agent as Graham Potter.
Pochettino had to handle putting up with an inexperienced squad, with less than 50 starts in top flight; and the vaudeville entertainment of dragging the Caicedo pursuit from January to late August to go from “maybe 50” to “please pay 120 million Behdad”.
Lewis Hall, pictured in a Crystal Palace top for a photoshoot as part of the Michael Olise transfer, had to make different plans as his new 5 year contrat (with Maresca and Potter’s agency, you know the jazz) became a loan with obligation to buy to fill the Caicedo GoFundMe.
Whilst Manchester City sold another Academy graduate to former employees. Cole Palmer, tipped for a move to Brighton & Hove Albion where he was close to agree terms, was the deadline day panic buy
Losing Nkunku and Chukwuemeka to random knee injuries (after Fofana before the first day of pre-season) was another sorry turn of events, after BlueCo milked as much money as possible (1 million per game) out of a pre-season played on pitches where you wouldn’t land an evacuation McDonnell Douglas C-17 Globemaster III plane in war time.
Mid-table halfway through the season, goldfish brained onlookers forgot that if there was an enforced list of penalty takers, Sterling would have missed at 3-4 and Chelsea would lose to Man City.
Palmer snatched Sterling’s chain, took the penalty and went on to build momentum to come from “getting token penalties to statpad” like at Burnley (hi Kai) to main man.
Chaosball led Chelsea sleepwalking to a 6th place finish (that intelligent Twitter accounts suggested back in May).
From a result standpoint, Pochettino brought Chelsea to a good place strong of a dynamic that saw them lose only once in PL in 2024.
Out of a ten game rolling point average trend, opinions will differ as to where Chelsea stand at the moment.
Not really on an upward curve, is one way to see it.
If stalling, it would require to acknowledge that Chelsea finshed the season over 2 point pace.
Scoreboard narratives can be spun one way or another
Chelsea have played the entire bottom half away, incidentally mostly teams playing woke football - Saints, Leiecester, Wolves and West Ham all changed their manager.
Winless against Glasner (twice), Dyche and McKenna’s teams (who stayed in the job) ; and the poorest Manchester United side since the 1980s.
Some smash and grab wins on the counter against teams with quality players at home.
Teams having carefully reviewed the first tie; it’ll remain to be seen if
Chelsea can break down the bottom half of the table, having struggled to do so against any semi competently organised team
Can they actually get points away at Arsenal, Newcastle, City and Forest having been second best in the home tie already?
Some of the answers might lie in playing the most caretaker football possible with their fast forwards to smash and grab wins, but it might not be enough overall considering how nobody seems to be able to score bar Palmer (it’s per squad building design) and how open Chelsea are defensively.
Squad building. If you want to win more than 18 games, it means you seek to find the formula to win away (if you win everything at home), or the opposite way around.
Enough solutions for all the match ups. The remaining 18 games will give a strong indication of the viability of that iteration of Chelsea.
Hopefully the last one in charge for the current 6 headed hydra.
Same casting, same conclusions
There’s two ways to approach this. Meticulously challenge every news cutting headline against lineups, or draw numbered bullet points because I can’t be bothered to expand on this.
Process Management means agreeing around a table of the way to proceed, with informed expertise, and regular benchmarks. But most importantly; drawing the right conclusions (no matter if it undermines whoever made the initial plan).
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity
The purpose of a system is what it does.
Pochettino’s conclusions:
Enzo and Caicedo can’t play together
Enzo has to develop into an useful midfielder, therefore enter and crash the box, make runs to vacate space instead of playing like the Sun King to pick up the ball between the CBs (which he didn’t do nor for Argentina nor Benfica - alwaus running all over the place and avoiding red cards somehow).
Chelsea is short, therefore require Ugochukwu or Casadei to plug gaps, or a CB at fullback.
Playing Conor Gallagher mitigates the amount of things Caicedo / Enzo can’t / won’t do, and helps Chelsea winning second balls.
Ben Chilwell as a wide attacking option brings heading, runs in behind and gets into scoring positions
Mudryk is unplayable at this level, and he needs to be canned to sign a better player.
Playing Mudryk or Palmer behind the striker means giving up any hope of keeping a clean sheet, let alone conceding less than two goals from open play per game
Cucurella is unplayable except as far away from the left back position as conceivable.
Noni Madueke’s end of the season was adding gravitas to Chelsea’s team play, being overly influential on the entire right wing both sides of the ball (and mitigating from 8. doing whatever on the other side)
Axel Disasi as a fullback is a way to put one more header to match up on set pieces
João Félix is useless whenever it matters
Let’s now challenge Pochettino’s conclusions with BlueCo / Maresca’s decisions
Maresca spent November benching Enzo, and actively claiming he’s undermining the balance of the team; preferring Lavia / Caicedo instead (still as porous defensively, suggesting it’s not a Enzo problem - never was solely)
Maresca thinks his staffalysts upstairs came up with the idea of having a midfielder who can’t head nor defend (Enzo), crash the box and score goals.
Remember we’re vegan now
Maresca started Casadei in midfield to win fogging headers vs the likes of Barrow and in Conference League
The pressing is porous and leaves central defenders 1v1 with half a pitch to defend a dozen times per game, and Chelsea struggled to keep possession vs Brighton and Hove Albion at home after getting rid of “not technical” Conor Gallagher, now starring in Champions League.
Malo Gusto does the exact same things as Ben Chilwell from the wings / 10 position, not as good when it comes to timing runs in behind. Cannot head though, and is obviously a worse finisher than Ben Chilwell (who was scoring 6 a season from open play).
Chelsea figuring out that their concept quick but better central playmaker with vision, passing range and finishing is woefully out of his depth. Replaced Mudryk with Sancho who is; checks notes; is a central playmaker with vision, passing range and finishing
Chelsea is still nowhere near racking up a clean sheet, conceding 1.5 xG to a 10 man Southampton being the latest evidence in date.
Maresca would rather play Reece James at left back rather than “Veiga” or Marc Cucurella
Cucurella things: almost two years separate these two clusterfucks, to timberland the ball back to the goalkeeper against Aston Villa to send Watkins through
This time bailed out by Wesley Fofana. Players see players
BlueCo got talked into signing Neto for 60 million by Jorge Mendes, after fumbling the Olise transfer on purpose and changing semi-colons to piss off the agent, knowing there’s an equally useful player as Neto already in house in Madueke.
Axel Disasi started as fullback aplenty, vs the Barrow Submarine despite having Josh Acheampong on the bench.
João Félix’s ass stayed firmy on the Anfield bench when Chelsea was trailing 2-1 to Liverpool and apparently “outplaying” “this close to draw” against the 2025 Premier League winners. That Felix scores token goals at Wolves or vs Antwerp is part of the whole experience, he also shanked a point blank tap in sending it back from where it came, robbing Tyrique George of an assist vs Barrow.
Narratives can be spun forver to find the only angle that makes a turd shine.
For whoever paying attention to subs when 2-1 down (Felix at Liverpool) over “Felix does things few players can do” (coming on at Anfield is most obviously not one of them) has been able to see through it.
Chelsea seem determined to go through the same process, which will legitimately lead them to the same conclusions unless the goalposts do move somehow.
Or that Maresca’s 30 minute extra training at Matchday -2 (in other words: fuck all) changes the essence of 10 figure transfers’ way to play the game of football;
reason why Chelsea won bidding war for each of them paying over the odds.
Hint, just like Bernard Cueva’s spot on the bench; not taken as to why Chelsea could finalise these transfers whilst finishing 13rd.
“and Misha” who doesn’t seem to be very ill when it comes to shooting in empty nets.
At some point
Head Coach Pochettino was running the concept car 30 minutes / 60 minutes / bench for way longer than tolerable, and floated about between 12th and 6th place
Maresca gave 70+30 million Mudryk 150’ since August and finds a new way to call him unplayable every week. Now he’s diplomatically “ill” to explain why he’s not even making the matchday squad anymore.
The backoffice was quite keen to plaster social media stories about Mudryk when he joined.
Not all three can have it right. If that was a “transfer gamble” , that’s a big gamble, assuming Chelsea are partying like there’s no tomorrow
If the role is to develop that squad hastly assembled, then Pochettino was right.
If the role is to develop whatever flavour of the month winger that’s added up to the existing ones; let’s party like there’s no tomorrow.
Opinions differ as to what Raheem Sterling LW / RW did worse than Felix Neto Sancho Mudryk this season.
Oh, and there is a tomorrow, according to Kieran Maguire:
Update. Now we know why “Misha” wasn’t playing.
And this is the thing that doesn’t go to plan. You don’t make money out of 100 million signings, especially when you leave out essential aspects that constitutes a multidisciplinary decision on player recruitment. Shit does and will happen.
Mudryk has completed less than 10 times 90’ on the pitch at professional level.
“Pochettino gets everyone injured”
Football narrative, never dry of outlandish grand statements that more often than not, have zero correlation with the reality.
Very briefly.
Staff train players to get them fit
Medical team’s role is to assess players that are injured
Medical teams don’t deliver training; therefore have no impact on players injury. If you put your finger in a door hinge, you don’t blame the surgeon for re-attaching your botched finger. It’s the same for “play der play der” coaching that gets centerbacks sprinting 50 times per game to bail out the inevitable counters stemming from predictable turnovers.
Rehabililitation and Return To Play staff make the transition from “medically healed” to “fit to play”. These are the 6 weeks of RTT / RTP (Return to Training, Return To Play) where players are gradually put through a battery of tests: change of direction, speed from a control to chaos timeline in terms of movement in training practices. The aim is to win time, and setbacks do happen.
Pochettino’s staff deliver 2v2 3v3 and 11v11 to get players fit and make decisions. It worked, otherwise Chelsea woulnd’t have won 4-3 vs Manchester United.
2v2, defenders can only squeeze in once you get around a pole.
Train like you want to play.
Looking at the actual data, there’s three angles to look at it.
Chelsea was hit by bad luck, with Nkunku and Chukwuemeka’s injuries on pitches you wouldn’t land a C-17 etc etc…
Reece James and Enzo delayed surgery to look at all their options. Hamstring surgery success rate is high, but sometimes require taking muscle fibers to act as makeshift tendons; resulting in a slight loss of proprioception and range of action.
These are the decisions players carefully weight the pros and cons of. Some players end up finding the stretching / healing protocol, some take surgery. Scientific litterature is split on operative vs non operative treatement, but still infinitely more litterate than blue tick surgeons on social media.
Players highlighted in pink were the biggest injury risk for reasons that didn’t escape the informed onlooker:
Colwill: having to play left back, being a CB by trade
Disasi: having to play right back, being a CB by trade
Silva: being 83 years old and not leaving the penalty box all season
Gusto: more band-aid than an egyptian mummy when joining, legacy of “get on with it” French management of athletes
Caicedo: no pre season when Chelsea was doubling the 60m offer to make it 115
Gallagher: starting every game, running 13km per game
Palmer: breakout senior season, playing every game doing what he wants
Sterling: pelvic tilt makes him prone to hamstring injuries, which he carefully avoided all his career thanks to his incredible work ethic and professionalism
Madueke: got three hamstring injuries in the same PSV season
Jackson is the one that baffled everyone: La Liga winger converted into a Premier League striker, with the most high intensity sprints in the league
These are your benchmarks. Use your finger to go from left to right, and draw the conclusions that you shall.
Lavia injured himself twice, and was forced into the lineups by the backoffice to get a minute sample necessary to force Gallagher out in January. Got a upper thigh injury, which, like, does not happen in normal time.
Ugochukwu’s inujury on New Years Eve was avoidable if he wasn’t to make the pitch that day; or avoidable if Chelsea had any other motherfucker who can win the ball in the air in their 1.5B squad assembled by 4 or 5 co-sporting directors.
“Maresca found the cure for eternal life”
Has Maresca found the elixir for eternal life? Well, if you are so keen on getting a puff piece published after a third of the race, yes.
Otherwise, the end of december sounds like a good time to stop the count considering how much players are dropping like flies with muscular injuries: Fofana is the glue, but Badiashile and Lavia are also sidelined for muscular injuries.
Maresca claims Fofana is out for the season, to beg for more transfers.
Fofana debunked le lie by saying he isn’t “out for the season”
Which he can’t possibly be. Grade II sure (3-6 weeks).
Season ending, let’s not do le joke please.
Surely, the schedule forcing Chelsea to play every 3 days games that actually matters and the starting XI being ran into the ground must be a coincidence.
Showboating wins against FC Noah (5th place in Armenia; who’s playmaker I coached against)
Gustavo Sangaré (1996) joined the B team (tier 5) of QRM (relegated from Ligue 2) in 2018-19 after joining from another tier 5 club and Burkina Faso.
Full Burkinabe international since, and featuring for NOAH.
or Borat extras with 501 millions on the pitch (BlueCo’s Franchise accounting for 500 million, the opponent 1)
suddenly becomes a sight of the past once Chelsea have to consider playing the Harlem Globe Trotters in a Premier League game.
T’es pas content? Triplé.
Guiu can score 3 against Shamrock Café, bomb-squad vice captain Nkunku will still get on the pitch before he does.
Pre season is for testing, it doesn’t really matter.
Unless you know what to look at, and flag a few red ones.
Full 90 for Carney Chukwuemeka in the first pre-season games? Trying to drum interest to get the 80k / week contract off their books, against every piece of common sense let alone on the back of a big knee injury? Then not involved at all. Makes sense.
Vice-captain Ben Chilwell with 4 DNP including three in a row, but Colwill missing out on Club America (he’s 21, can’t play football every 3 days). and Badiashile on minute restriction vs Manchester City.
Renato Veiga with 27 token minutes vs Club America, everybody eats (only if you’re invited)
Ugochukwu joint top scorer, on poverty minutes.
Not a surprise to see Chelsea plumetting at the end of december, for running the same XI into the ground - hinting at a mild to moderate lack of trust in the bomb squad’s ability to impact a Premier League game.
So we arrived at the end of this newsletter, a bit tired in general.
I also like Microsoft Paint, but copying / pasting the same lineup three days in a row wasn’t the most inspired decision (nor was the following visual)
The first option is to blame Maresca, the second to point out he’s making the most of what he’s got for the level.
Where to go from there?
Unless they’re somehow able to print money, it will be difficult to upgrade Neto with another 60 million / 120k a week player. They’ve actually signed Estevao Willian already though for that fee, which makes us wonder how they’ll fit Palmer, Madueke, Neto, Estevao and Paez together. Some of them will join the Bomb Squad, or B team, or a sample of each. Expecting a positive resolution to the idea to force them out
Whilst Estevao Willian will be forced into lineups (like Roméo Lavia), who’ll be hoping to outperform Omari Hutchinson.
There’s several perspectives to Estevao Willian’s signing.
The player is really good: asks into feet, makes runs (the combination of both is rare for young wingers), can hit the target from outside the box, good vision to play beyond his radius. A better version of Madueke.
Kendry Paez is simililarly complete for his age, more the Bernardo Silva mould staying on the ball inside, and with good defensive nous to close down.
Over-reliance on players will generate the same 21-24 years plagued with injuries, when players like Ousmane Dembélé was taunted by @TrollFootball accounts but was actually forced to get tendons re-attached to the bone. Especially when there’s performance bonuses related to getting said player play x amount of games before moving. Party like there’s no tomorrow, the next game is in 3 days.
The ressource allocation is scarcely believable, 60 million package for a teenager with very few data points as to how he’ll translate to European Leagues, whilst finishing 6th. Let alone spending the same amount of money for a stopgap standing between the duct tape fix, and an automated lawn mower.
Who won’t have a strong case for himself after 1 goal in half a season, playing like a left back out of position (the Alan Hutton role). There’s your needle-mover I guess
Threading passes back, and spamming crosses without any finesse like a modern day Stewart Downing at Liverpool (another 0 goal 0 assist Data Driven signing)
Neto / Estevao / Madueke / Palmer is the epitome of the BlueCo hydra.
Multi headed decisions, partying like there’s no tomorrow, and ignoring “assets” they’ve already got in house.
And fortunately (luck favours the prepared minds), Football always has an answer to this.
A blip, or the systemic fall down of whatever that is. Ipswich walloped Chelsea.
Chelsea’s purple patch was only ever gonna last as long as they could scrap wins playing chaosball, and rotate 11 players worth half a billion against terrible opponents in midweek.
Playing back to back the same team every three days when the going gets tough was always gonna be an obstacle; chosing between burning into the ground the same XI or using some of the expensive “Swiss Army Knife” soldiers.
At the time of publishing, it’ll be fascinating to see where Chelsea go from there.
Panic buy in January, but do they even have any leeway after putting all their eggs in that teenager borrows mom’s bank card to buy FIFA points squad building basket.
Expect Enzo Maresca to adress the bad spell he didn’t adress at Parma (not after October anyway), at City (with Palmer and Lavia in PL2), nor obviously at Leicester.
Foolproofing for the first flight in high atmosphere carries some risks.
Sell good players to continue being able to afford the wages of players nobody wants?
My guess is Cole Palmer and Levi Colwill; who tick boxes of being half decent and playing enough to draw interest.
That won’t be with a Front Shirt Sponsor money, because BlueCo refuse to give a discount to any company interested
My limited understanding of english suggests sponsors “might” be interested for a 6 month caretaker role plastering whatever on Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall shirt (if he ever makes the matchday squad anymore after his 35 million transfer), but BlueCo demand the full season payment, in order to raise funds to pay 70% of Raheem Sterling’s wages whilst he’s out on loan, to create a pathway for Mikhailo Mudryk who’s currently provisionally suspended by the FA over 'adverse finding' in urine test
What next?
Party like there’s no tomorrow.
Let’s hope Chelsea can wake up from that fever dream, and the controlling stakes be purchased to get back to being a sporting institution at any point this decade.
Well, because otherwise, precedents exist after a few years of inordinate and unhinged spending, and asset stripping. You can’t forever sell Omari Hutchinson for 30 million and replace him by Pedro Neto for 60 million, treading water by replacing quality by “assets” who’s quality (Deivid Washington) or output (Pedro Neto) is a blackhole
How much do you buy Liam Delap after a 8 goals in 31 Championship games in 2023-24 ?
What does 6 months difference make? Proven in Premier League?
Why doesn’t that apply to spending 20-60 millions on unproven talent in weaker leagues?
More or less than 20 million for Deivid Washington ?
Bertolucci Sports - but without dibs on the 2020s Ramires, Willian and David Luiz.
Just Lucas Piazon.
A liminar statement in 2021 on Girondins de Bordeaux (oh wow can you believe it) when the conjuncture of COVID-19 (covered up with state bonds) and TV right debacle (Mediapro vs DAZN, who pulled the plug quicker in Ligue 1? Who’s sponsoring the Club World Cup?) - also covered by a League bond [money was never an issue during these crisis, French clubs were just partying like there’s no tomorrow]
Well, 100 million debt, top 10 wagebill in the country whilst in Ligue 2.
Dumping the shell of the club in Spring 2021, Bordeaux now playing French 4th division in 2024-25 and who can hope to reach Ligue 1 in 2028 at the earliest (they’re trailing far behind St Malo this season, who have 3 of my former players).
Well worth the free tickets and promo codes, this.
Because that’s what was happening there too, influencers changing their editorial line for a few VIP tickets and keychains ; like Robert Sanchez changes his mind between playing short or boot it away seconds before the iceberg crashes (or the striker closing him down). Most people could see through it -
Only to probably finish behind Nottingham Forest; known for their bomb squad which once reached double digits, owner interference and agents suggestions in revolving doors transfer windows. They can’t even out-Nottingham Forest Nottingham Forest.
For soon two years, Chelsea found themselves at the unfortunate intersection between private equity (some will say “selling everything of value before dumping the shell”. One thing for sure, they definitely know where the value is because that’s the first thing they sold)
A gameplan executed by people with fancy job titles all obviously doing the same things, apparently convinced they’ve got the god given right to chose the whiteboard tactics, and handpick with the composure of kids in a candyshop new signings briefed as “upgrades”; the most ridiculous being Dewsbury over Gallagher who hasn’t cracked 60 minutes in PL, yet signed for more money.
Whilst Gallagher outperformed 300 million of midfielders playing 51/52 (he missed the diabolical 2-1 defeat at United where Palmer/Enzo/Caicedo allowed Amrabat to play like the king of the park) and now stars for Diego Simeone’s Atletico, well clear of Real Madrid and Barcelona with the best defence in Europe.
A crossover between some of the most repulsive aspects of modern football, most definitely.
If the model is to tie the most guillible, second string and unambitious players to incentivised 8 contracts whilst everything of value is shipped out, being this close to top 4 flatters to deceive, and is a genuinely impressive feat.
If they were ambitious, surely they wouldn’t have dropped tools since Maresca said they’re not in a title race.
If the plan is to dominate the world of football with a team that can’t even dominate second balls on their own turf (let alone win every other game), well it’s a fucking shambles.
Maybe that’ll get better when Chelsea move to Generic Toilet Bowl area.
Can’t read Everton’s points? They’re sponsored by Stake anyway, and my $2 for 100.000 impressions is worth posting a thread to farm interactions on copyrighted content.
Fucking get rid of it Bob
And sometimes, the chain of ownership goes from bad to worse.
Like a Bob Sanchez long ball pumped on Cole Palmer’s head, ducking under it.
Who’ll win the second ball this time.
Might still not be Chelsea FC
Bonus: How easy is it to play against Enzo Maresca’s team?
My SebStake is the home of original, but interestng content.
This will not get a newsletter of its own (unless you give me free tickets, mail in bio)
I was genuinely impressed with the speed of implementation of the game model when I saw Southampton-Leicester in September 2023.
It was a masterclass in counter attacks
I then watched most of Leicester’s games at the pub, scheduled in early kick off on Friday evenings or Monday evenings.
Then had a second chance to watch them in the flesh when they were played off the park by Pochettino’s Chelsea
So; how easy is it to play against an Enzo Maresca team
very:
Thank you Sebastien what a great piece. I would like to ask if I could be allowed to forward your article to 2 main Chelsea Football community (which are hupu.com and Dongqiudi app) in China, I am sure that many Chelsea fans in China would be very interested in your article.